Monday, October 4, 2010

Time to plan

It's official; I need to devise a plan. I seem to be aimlessly trying to lose weight each day and getting extremely frustrating because I have no direction with anything at the moment. Today was just not good enough.

What I ate:
- 1 diet yogurt with 8 blueberries (100 cal)
- 1 kiwi fruit (60 cal)
- 15 brown rice crackers with hommus (150 cal)
- 1 veggie pattie with sour cream (150 cal)
- 1 protein bar (140 cal)
- Salad with haloumi (150 cal)
- Spinach pie (200-300 cal??)
- 2 coffees with equal
- 1 tea
- 2 litres of water

Urgh it seems like so much when I write it all down. The only positive is that it was mainly healthy. I didn't get to do any exercise because I was busy writing my essay and then it was raining when I was planning to go running which is extra annoying. Now all I can think of is making a plan as to how I'm going to lose this weight. I've been tossing around ideas in my head all day but I just don't know which one I should do, I need something that I can stick to for the most part so that I don't end up on a junk food binge.

I was thinking about fasting but I know that won't last, and as soon as I start eating I'll put the weight on. I will probably fast just before my birthday though but until then I'm thinking something along the lines of a restriction and exercise plan. I was considering eating 500 calories one day and then 1000 the next, then 500, 1000 etc etc. Maybe it would help keep my metabolism on it's toes? I'd be exercising as well. I could try it this week and see if it works and then if it doesn't try something else. I am so goddamn indecisive with everything in my life and it's fucking annoying!

When I got to my lowest weight last time it was mainly because I was really sick. But then I enjoyed it so much that I had to find a way to maintain it. I used to have a coffee for breakfast, apple for a snack, plain salad with a diet v or red bull for lunch, and vegetables for dinner. If I got hungry I'd eat sugar free jelly. I'd go to the gym and workout doing cardio as well. I was so motivated and dedicated. Maybe I should just start following that plan again, after all it did work the first time around. Oh how I miss being 50kg...

I'm going to ponder ideas about a plan and post when I decide. No idea what the scale will say tomorrow, I can only hope I'm down.

Stay strong,
xx




Sunday, October 3, 2010

I have to do this.








I'm so angry with myself!! FUCK! I was good ALL day, and then I was so hungry that I ate some chips just before.... FAILURE. It was like I had no control at all while it was happening even though I did. I can't let this happen again :( I gave in to the stupid hunger. Now I'm dreading getting on the scale tomorrow morning even more than I was before.

Tomorrow is going to be a different story. I've decided to start running again. I need to be burning calories everyday because at the moment I'm not really doing any physical activity whatsoever and it's disgusting. Looking in the mirror seems to get more and more depressing each day so I have to start being harder on myself. I used to run all the time but now I'm so unfit. I'm ready to get back into it though; I have no other choice. I must take control of food and my weight, and running is definitely going to help with that.

I have a few events coming up in the next few months which I need to look good for, but the most important one (which I REALLY need to lose weight for) is my 21st birthday which is in about 7 weeks. I need to lose 8kg in 7 weeks. I know it's possible if I work hard enough, I really really really do not want to fail. At the moment I feel repulsed when I look at photos of myself and I definitely don't want that for my 21st. I want to buy a nice dress and for it to actually look ok on me. I cannot fail.

So as for eating...

- I will fill up on fruit, vegetables and healthy salads
- I will drink 2 litres of water everyday and fill up on low calorie liquids
- I will eat small portions of low-fat protein
- I will not eat bread, pasta, desserts or any heavy carbs
- I will not eat fast food
- I will limit my alcohol consumption considerably (I drink a lot unfortunately, it's my escape)

And I will run and run and run and run.

I will probably also do some circuit training (sit-ups, push-ups, squats, lunges etc etc).

I have to get fit and I have to get thin. At least I still have some time but soon it will be too late so I have to take action now. I really want this.

Of course I'll be updating on the progress as much as I can! First I have to get my essay written; story of my life, there's always something to be done. I'm so sorry that I haven't been commenting on your blogs much, I barely have time to update mine atm because I'm so busy with uni full time and 2 jobs but I promise I'll make a proper effort over the next few weeks.

I HAVE TO DO THIS.
I WANT THIS.
I CAN DO THIS.
I AM DETERMINED.
I WILL BE THIN.

Stay strong,
xx

I need to start exercising....

I've done well this week overall; except for last night. I'm so annoyed with myself. I was at work all day and managed to have only about 400-500 calories for the whole day and successfully skipped dinner. Then I decided to have a few drinks... which lead to 2 pieces of toast with cheese. Grrrr. Admittedly it could have been a lot worse. I was at a friends house for drinks and I managed to turn down pizza and garlic bread, and on the way home I said no to McDonald's as well, but by the end of the night I was so hungry and tired that I caved and ate some toast. Surprise, surprise I'm up on the scale this morning. Not happy at all.

I'm finding that staying under 1000 calories has been no trouble this past week, in fact I think I've been staying under about 700-800 calories most days. The problem is that it only seems to take one bad food decision (and not too many extra calories) to set me back significantly. I'm starting to think that I need to start exercising as well to keep my weight down, I figured that because my calorie intake has been relatively low I could get away with not exercising but clearly not. Also I should avoid drinking because that's what led to the toast. If only I didn't love drinking so much..... but it's a sacrifice that will pay off in the end (I hope).

I have to write an essay today unfortunately so when I have more time I'm going to start planning out my week regarding food and exercise, I need to lose what I've gained and then some. Hope you girls are having a better weekend than me!

Stay strong!
xx